What can you do when your partner’s bedroom needs are different from yours? With all the different fantasies, kinks and sexual desires, it is not uncommon for couples or sexual partners to have different bedroom needs. Don’t worry! It doesn’t mean you can’t have great sex.
There are lots of things you can do to make your sex life amazing, even without having all the same sexual interests. Sometimes it just takes a little time and determination. Oh, and lots of practice.
Here are some basic tips for when your bedroom needs are different from your partner’s.
It’s important to discuss what both you and your partner need and want out of your sexual relationship. Discussion helps you to feel comfortable and fully enjoy sex.
Discussing your sexual needs can be an uncomfortable topic for some, so it’s important to remember that it is com- pletely healthy to have fantasies, kinks or things you find pleasurable. You both must remember to be vocal about what you feel is needed to get the most out of sex.
When talking about what your needs and wants are, it’s important to make sure that no one feels judged. Keeping an open mind is an important part of communication. It’s also good to discuss not only what you want, but what your limitations are.
Although it’s possible for limitations to change later on in the relationship as trust grows, discussing what you and your partner are not comfortable with will help you show respect towards each other, and it will make sex all the more fun for both of you.
Don’t feel bad about your limitations
No matter how much you communicate, there still might be some things you’re uncomfortable with. That’s okay! It’s important to keep communicating with your partner if there is something that you just don’t feel comfortable doing.
You do not need to feel bad for being unable to do something, even if it’s something your partner is really interested in doing. Feeling okay and comfortable with the sex you and your partner are having is key to having a healthy sexual relationship.
If you feel that you are ready to try something new with your partner, don’t feel pressured to dive all in at once. Starting off with slow steps and small changes is a good way to help your mind and body adjust to something you were once uncomfortable with.
Telling your partner what your needs from sex are may not mean that your partner will immediately be comfortable doing it. It may take time for them to adjust to something new. Taking small steps with your partner will not only help them feel more comfortable, but it will also build trust, which is really important when trying new things in a sexual relationship.
It’s important to wait for your part- ner to let you know when they are ready to try something new instead of trying to talk them into it. Respecting your
partner’s limitations will help them feel more comfortable trying new things in the future.
There may come a time—at any point in the relationship—where your partner tells you that they will never be comfort- able doing something, even if it is the one thing you feel you really need in a sexual relationship. Respecting that is very important.
Don’t try to talk them into it. At this point, you have to decide if it is some- thing you can live without doing. If not, this is the point to analyze if the rela- tionship is beneficial for both of you.
When you and your partner have different needs, it’s important to make sure that you both feel like your needs are being heard. Taking turns doing what you and your partner enjoy can be a good way to explore the needs you both have. Or, if you are both comfortable, try working small things that either you or your partner enjoy into your usual sex routine.
This helps you both slowly adjust to something new while also getting to do something you enjoy. If you find that either you or your partner just can’t get on board with doing something, look for something else you both enjoy!
There are so many great things to try with sex, from different positions to things like bondage or role playing. Trying something new together is a good way to find something you both like.
At the end of the day, it’s all about what both you and you partner think is most beneficial to your relationship and sex life. There are so many ways to handle having different bedroom needs. It may take some time to figure out what will work best in your sexual relationship, but as long as you remember to keep the communication going—while respecting the desires and limitations of all in- volved—you really can’t go wrong.
–Faith Ginter is 19. They were born and raised in Winnipeg, Manitoba, and identify as gender neutral. Their goal is to pursue a career in journalism and illustration.